Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Sweaters are slow

This last month my husband and I have been lucky enough to save up some money, and we decided to go for a few long drives. One, to Yosemite, which we had never been to as adults despite it being only an hour and a half away. Second, to Dillon Beach, which is about  two hours away. My husband loves going for drives because it means he gets to drive and listen to music. I love going for drives because it means I get to knit. I worked on my sweater both times, and it is slowly getting near completion. I was truly hoping to finish this sweater by the end of July but the way work is working out (and home life- we may be moving again soon) I really don't think that's going to happen.
Here is a VERY attractive photo of me wearing the sweater before the trips.
Messy Hair Don't Care
As you can see it was just above the belly button. I added about 8 inches on to the length and had one of those especially triumphant yarn chicken moments when I thought I was going to run out of yarn during the bind off and have to add on another ball mid-bind off. Now I don't know about you, but I HATE doing that, and would actually much rather tink back an entire row in order to avoid it. Thankfully I had just enough yarn. I had to take a picture and then wait until we were back in an area with cell phone service to post it online. I was that triumphant.
Serious Yarn Chicken
So now the long haul is over: the body is done. I picked up the sleeves and started working on them during the drive home on the Dillon Beach trip, but unfortunately got a bad wave of carsickness which demanded I put the knitting down. Still, some progress is some progress and here is how the sweater is looking now.
I really don't think it's IMPOSSIBLE to expect it to be completed by the end of the month, but it's probably unlikely since we are most likely going to have to move out of our apartment and into my folks' house in a desperate attempt to keep the house in the family. I really hate moving. For that matter I really hate not living in my own place, too... But if it is necessary to keep my mom in the home and comfort that she requires and desires, then I must set aside my own ego and loathe for boxing items and make peace with possibly killing my fish during the move and Just Do It.

I see a lot of memes that say "adulting" is hard. And then a lot of comments where people claim that the first step to being an adult is to not call it "adulting" because it's a sign of a childish mindset. But you know what? Adulting IS hard. If it takes proper grammar to not make it childish, then I'll phrase it this way: "Being an adult and making adult decisions is difficult." It seems like every time I come to terms with where my life is at, and start making ends meet, something happens that just throws a wrench in the gears.

I remember when I was in first grade our class talked about our fears in front of the class. Amid the fears of spiders, snakes, and heights, little dark-haired Cecilia stood in front of the class and admitted her fear of her parents getting a divorce. Awkward moment, let me tell you... Now, over 20 years later, it is finally coming to fruition and amid thoughts of (honestly) "Finally," and "But why NOW?" there is a little part of me that feels like the world is coming apart at the seams. A little part of me that's like, "Adulting is hard."

Obviously, I can't let the house get sold. We built a clubhouse in that backyard. I live in an apartment and my son spends most of his leisure time watching TV because we don't have a yard and there is just a slab of concrete outdoors. Him having a backyard to play in would be soooo good for him, and though we try to save up for a house so far it's not been working out for us. Taking over the bills and everything wouldn't be So much worse than we are already at now, in a tiny apartment. But it feels tainted to move into my family home during these circumstances. I feel like, yes of course I have to take care of my mom, who couldn't make ends meet on her own. But I feel like that would be disloyal to my dad. Which is a totally insane and childlike thought. And my brother still lives there too, so it wouldn't really feel like home anyway.

Meanwhile, I continue to go to work, I have been asked to step up as manager of the store I work at- I still pump milk during my breaks, I don't know why I feel like that's relevant to all this-and it's just... I want to go back to coloring under the covers and talking to my best friend on my walkie talkie!!! And I have to go to work in an hour, but I thought I would update you all about the sweater, because that's something I used to do and would normally take pleasure in, but this all came out instead.

And my niece is having a baby on Friday and I have work. I feel like work is just taking over my life. Which, of course it's apt to do. But jeez you would think if you work full time you could afford to not have to save up for a mop, for instance. I just breathe in and tell myself everyone is struggling. They're just not talking about it.


Thursday, July 7, 2016

After a long hiatus...

It seems that between working full-time, going to school full-time, and having a baby took its toll on the knitting blog. Still, I'm happy to report that SOME knitting is still being done. Penelope is now 7 months old, and is clapping and smiling and eating solid food. My son is on summer vacation from school and preparing for the first grade. I'm somewhat going crazy what with breastfeeding and work and home responsibilities. Still, one stitch at a time we are getting through the days.

So, some of the knitting projects I have finished lately:

Empire Strikes Back Dress

All About Love Shawl

Lovey Dovey Two Toned Mitts

And the one I am currently working on:

Now getting into July, I find myself thinking often of Christmas, of knitting, and of Getting It All Done. Quite honestly I've fallen into a pit of being broke and hungry and overworked and perhaps what I need is just to take a big breather and sip a cup of tea and cast on for a sock. Knitting, however, never got the housework done, and it sure doesn't pay the bills... It does do wonders for your mental state, however.

And truly I have missed the blog, and working on projects until they are done and not just abandoning them halfway through. I am over-stressed, it's true. This blog used to be a place where I could go and it never really had deadlines and it never became an obligation and I could always come and go as I pleased and I never sought to explain myself after a long break. I never did the "sorry guys!" type of post because it always seemed lame and cheesy when I read such a post on other blogs. But today I feel the need to explain that yes, things have been knit since the Antler Hat. Yes, my life has continued and there has been knitting that I have not shared with you. And perhaps most importantly yes I am still here. And by "I," I don't just mean the accounting student who is flailing to keep up with deadlines, and I don't mean the mommy who has sung "patty cake" over 20 times today, and I don't mean the Assistant Store Manager of the corner pet store who covered yet another shift. I mean the me who loves being creative and sharing some of the wonderful fantastic things about being on this planet- being able to make sweaters out of sticks and string, and talking late into the night about which needles are the best or which yarn to avoid next time. I think it is important to remember that "I" exist. Not you- not whoever may or may not be reading this blog after more than half a year went past with not a word from me- but myself. Perhaps many of you are mothers too, or have otherwise slipped into an identity that is not allowing you to grow personally. Maybe this small deviation from my normal content will serve as a small reminder to do the things that you love sometimes. If not, then perhaps at least I will have reminded myself to take pleasure in the things I love to do. Knit. Write. Draw. Take a step back from deadlines, and hop on the blog to say a simple hello! I am here!

Anyway. Hopefully the next time I post I will have more sweater to show you.
There is no pattern, just a top down raglan with a center pattern and some cabling down the sleeves. It's fun but not too complex, and easy but not quite mind-numbingly boring.
It's almost 9 pm here and I am going to have a sit-down with my needles and tea. Tomorrow is a 10 hour work day, but I think I have earned a little knitting time.